if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
and you fell through a lawn chair
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