That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
