i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
