I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
