***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
