my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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