i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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