I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
