I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
