How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
