Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
