You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Congratulations! We have a period
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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