just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I could fuck to npr.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
