I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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