Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
