I accidentally had phone sex last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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