yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
