i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
