We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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