Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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