she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
