Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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