Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
