i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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