If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
