Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
