Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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