i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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