Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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