i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
