I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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