I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You made out with two different species that night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
