my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
