my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
