I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
