I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
