and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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