wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
