people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize