Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
