my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
