Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
