so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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