I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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