I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
