Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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