im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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