Betty ford says i'm here all night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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