it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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