if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
