im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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