ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
