I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
