Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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