So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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