I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
