Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
