dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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