I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
