So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy sore nipples Batman
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
