i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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