he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
